Edward, My Love
by RaeTakesTheWorld
Summary: This story is a collection of letters that Bella writes to Edward. He would have never recieved these letters if it wasn't for Carlisle, but what happens when he comes back...too late, and Bella's already moved on? BellaXJacobXEdward
1. 3 Days

19, September, 2009

3 days

Edward, My Love,

Three days, it's only been three days since you left. I can't breathe, or speak, I can't dream, because when I go to sleep all I see is your face, and I awake screaming. I can't believe it's been so hard, to let you go; it feels as if I am dying, over and over again. I die each day I wake up and I come to realize you won't be coming back. You left on Wednesday the sixteen, three days after my birthday. I don't know if you remember or if you have forgotten about me already. You told me it would be as if you never existed, but you're wrong. I feel the pain you left behind with every breath I take, every silver car I see, every drop of rain, or every rare sunny day. You exist, Edward, and I can't help but to think of you even though I know the thought of you is poison to my addicted heart.

I know I shouldn't think of you as much as I do. It's hard to even think of your name, or your beautiful complexion. My memory doesn't do you justice; the real you would put my minds eyes to shame. I know you will never read this, and that you probably never would even if you got the chance, but writing makes me feel better. Somehow I know that if I believe you're on some vacation that you and your family took, and that you would eventually come back, that I will survive through this. Though through each passing day it gets harder, and harder to believe.

The only proof that you existed here in this small town, and that you're not a figment of my imagination, is the constant rain and clouds. However with each day that passes I find them to resemble me more than they do you.

I wonder where you could be all the time, and if you're over me, or if you even remember me at all. I hope that you do, but I don't know how vampires remember these sorts of things. Maybe I will be forever branded into your brain as your perfect heroine.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	2. 5 Days

AN/ This story will be updated alternately with my Jacob story. Every other day a new letter will surface.

21, September, 2009

5 days

Edward, My Love,

It's Monday, five days after your departure. I haven't gone to school since you left me behind. My grades are slipping, Charlie is beyond pissed or scared, whichever one; I don't blame you, though. In other times I do, pain is still evident on my face, sorrow fills my dreams, and hollowness fills my body as I stare blankly at nothing at all. I wonder if I ever cross your mind, because it's not like you don't cross mine.

I don't read anymore. Romeo and Juliet are just too painful to suffer through now that I've lost my Romeo. What's the point of acting like I'm sane? I was never sane, for God's sakes I fell in love with a _vampire. _How is there one shred of normalcy left in my being?

I slept all day, and never ate. Here I go again acting on impulse because of who I fell in love with. A normal, _human _boy wouldn't care what I did all day, or what I ate, if I ate anything at all. However, if you were here you would ask me, wanting to know everything about my day. If you were here I wouldn't need to tell you; you would already know. I would have gone to school, ate lunch as you pretended to eat yours. I would have gone to my classes and then we would have gone to the meadow to share the last rays of the little exposure to sun we had. I would watch you sparkle like a million diamonds.

…If you were here…

Your pictures are gone, and I have no way to talk to you, but I guess that's what you wanted. That's what you wanted wasn't it! You wanted to just leave me here with nothing left. I bet you do this to many other girls. You could have anybody you wanted; am I supposed to believe that I was the only one you had. You first said you were a villain and I didn't believe that. I thought you could be good, besides how could a villain love. But I guess I was wrong, because in the end you didn't love me. You didn't love me ever did you! Wasn't it just a ploy to trick me, tinker with my fragile, _human _emotions?

It's too confusing to have coherent thought. My emotions are keeping me from seeing the truth. I want to believe so badly that you could possibly be back tomorrow, but I know my love has blinded me. You won't be returning, and I won't be returning. You are gone, and I am lost. I don't know if I'll ever be back, because you won't be back. Why should I live in a world where you don't exist? You exist in my head, and my heart, my soul, my body, my thoughts. That is enough for now.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan

AN/ Okay people I know it's early to be demanding but I need five reviews.

No reviews, no update.


	3. 15 Days

AN/

thanks to the lovely Lostlivesone4eva I am updating. I know my updates might be confusing to people so let me clear things up for you. I will update this story every other day…if I get the required reviews! However in the last chapter I asked for five reviews and only got 1, so from now on I would like at least one review for me to update!

Sorry for the confusion, and please enjoy the latest letter.

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1, October, 2009

15 days

Edward, My Love,

I don't listen to music anymore. It reminds me, too much, of you. I can't watch TV with Charlie, even though I try, for him, to be normal, but it reminds me of how you and your family would never watch it. Besides I always zone out, not wanting to think of anything while you're gone, and he notices that I'm not really there. You told me to be strong and not be reckless so I can stay safe for Charlie, but I don't have the strength you might have thought I would.

Today was my first day back in school. I can't tell you much about it. I don't remember. Everything now seems so pointless without you here. I wish I could tell you I'm strong and that your absence doesn't affect me, but I would be telling you a lie. I would be telling you a lie, just like the lie you told me. You told me after everything with James that you would never leave me. I guess that's all that mattered at the time, and I never heard your last arrangement; that you would only stay if it was safe for me.

It's not safe for me now, Edward. I don't sleep, or eat. I don't eat because I don't feel the importance. I can't sleep because of these awful nightmares. I'm not safe here without you Edward. Without you here I'm not protected, anything could hurt me. You know how many times I've hurt myself while you were here, but you helped me. You can't help me if you're not here, Edward.

Danger doesn't seem that…realistic now, now that nothing seems real. How could I hurt myself more than you hurt me? Why would it matter to you if I got hurt or was reckless anyways? It doesn't even matter to me. It's my life. I'm the one that has to live it, but I don't want to live anymore, Edward.

If it doesn't matter to you if I get hurt right now, while you're away, then why did it matter to you if I got hurt while you were here? Why did it affect everyone so much the night of my birthday? It wasn't a big deal; the cut is gone already, leaving only a small scar behind. But the cut of my heart will never heal. How could it with pain this intense? Without you my heart will always be in two.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	4. 65 Days

Thanks so much for the review crossxmyxheart232, and yes I realized five reviews is a bit demanding while the story is just getting started but when I see all the other stories with hundreds of reviews with only a couple chapters I don't understand how those stories can have so much, and others so little… that's why I'm demanding.

This chapter's to you crossxmyxheart232! Hope you like it.

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25, November, 2009

65 days

Edward, My Love,

Today was Thanksgiving. I'm no longer sure what I should be thankful for. We have no food in our house since I no longer go grocery shopping, nor do I cook anymore. Charlie goes to eat at the diner, like he did before I came to forks. We got invited to Billy's for dinner; Charlie went. I didn't feel like it though. So I stayed home and stared at this blank computer screen until works started to flow out, just like they are now. I don't think of what I'm writing. It just comes out. After so long of not talking to anyone, or eating, or doing much of anything, after being this zombie for so long the words spill out, but the only person I want to hear them is you. I know you can't, but if I tell myself that then I would be worse off, not telling anybody anything. I need these words to be my own therapy.

I'm somewhat thankful for this pain and hurt. It keeps me sane to know that I can hurt like this, to know that I'm alive.

We didn't have school today or yesterday, however I forgot that small fact, because I haven't really been aware of trivial facts like those. Besides my commute to and from school, or work, I'm not outside much. Today was actually my first day that I actually spent more than five minutes outside. I went to rake up the leaves. That was one of Charlie's conditions; if I stayed home I would have to rake the rest of the leaves because Charlie didn't have the time, while he was working so hard. He's been taking double shifts just so he doesn't have to endure my pain.

When he's home, if he's not watching a game or trying to cook or clean, he just sits and watches me. I'm pretty sure he's terrified of me after the whole incident when my mother came. She tried to take me back to Florida. I knew I could never leave Forks; even if you were to never return, I could never live in a place where I knew you could never exist. It's too sunny there, never a rainy day; well unless there's a natural disaster such as a hurricane. I knew you would never live there in a million years, and that's why I couldn't move back with my mom. I just couldn't.

I'm staying here, in Forks, just in case you come back. If I go to Jacksonville you wouldn't be able to find me, or I you. I wanted to stay in Forks, that way I'm somewhat closer to you. I know I just have to be close to you so I can survive.

I guess there's nothing else to say. I'm still the same zombie I was when you first left. I don't believe that's going to change anytime soon. I'm sorry; I can't help it. You left a hole in my heart that can't be mended. I wish I was strong enough for this. Maybe this is a test to see if I'm strong enough for you. If you had just changed me I would have been a million times stronger and I would have been able to follow you to the ends of the world. Here I am, still human, still waiting.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	5. 99 Days

25, December, 2009

99 days

Edward, My Love,

Christmas day…. I really just don't know what to say anymore. I've cried, and still cry. I hurt, and still hurt. There's a hole in my chest, still gaping as I write this. There's nothing else, nothing new; I doubt there will ever be anything else now that you're gone.

Do you know the effect you have on me? I know it's not supposed to feel this way, at least not for so long. I know I was never normal, but you were supposed to be here so that I would never have to be normal. I wanted to be like you so much; I wanted us forever! Everything would have been just fine if you had turned me, if you had stayed at all.

I know it's selfish of me but if you had just stayed everything would have been fine, but I know why you left. I knew all along that you would possibly leave me one day. I'll face it I was never good enough for you anyway. It's like you were a dream that I could never come up with on my own. You were the sweetest of dreams….that turned into a nightmare.

Christmas day...I don't remember most of it. I'm sure we went somewhere, but the places and faces I've past today are nothing compared to the memories of yours. I pass by each day in a zombie like trance. I try not to talk, think, move, or even breathe. I guess it's a natural human habit….what you wanted me to have. The natural capacity to breathe regularly so I never go without oxygen.

In the fact that I'm not supposed to stop breathing, I've kind of given up. You won't change me, and I can't just stop breathing on my own. I need some help. I need another vampire, but I doubt there will be anymore vampires like you. They wouldn't change me, they would just eat me. At this time I'm okay with either of those choices.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	6. 101 Days

Okay so this chapter is souly on he fact that I got this really amazing review. You should check it out! Thanks so much for your encouragment, Blackwater is the way! I hope you enjoy!

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5, February, 2010

101 Days

Edward, My Love,

Today at breakfast my father finally cracked, not that I was wishing him to do so. I had hoped I was doing well for his benefit at least; like you said I tried not being reckless for his sake. My attempts were all futile I suppose. Today is Friday, the last day of the week, and I had homework to attend to, and people to fool, or at least try to fool. My attempts became known as juvenile as I realized my father was right.

My voice is lifeless, my actions are weak, and nothing I do, or ever did, had fooled them into believing I was okay as the days passed on and you did not return. I am trying harder I only have a few minutes before Jessica gets here. We are going down to Port Angeles to watch some zombie movie called Dead End. There was some romantic comedy out, but I couldn't bear to watch something like that.

I just wanted to write this down. I'm not sure why, really, I think it's probably the only human thing I've been doing since you left. It's like therapy, or a diary keeping all my secrets locked away from those who pose threats to them. But those who pose threats are the only ones who should really read them, maybe you should read them.

Sorry I guess I might have poured some more of my pitiful emotions out onto this screen if it wasn't for the constant honking of Jessica's car out front. I'll be sure to write again soon to tell you how all this goes, you remember Port Angeles last time I went there right. You saved me that night…

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	7. 102 Days

6, February, 2010

102 Days

Edward, My Love,

I saw you.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	8. 109 Days

13, February, 2010

109 Days

Edward, My Love,

I know I haven't written in a while; I just didn't know what to say. I'm stunned to say the least. I really did see you Edward, I heard your voice. Epinephrine is what caused me to see you. Epinephrine is adrenaline as you well know; I'm sure you know, I mean you could be a doctor or something just like Carlisle.

Anyways after the movie with Jess we were walking to the car, it was late at night, and I thought I saw the guys from that one night last year. So I went over towards them. It wasn't them but one of the men asked if I wanted to take a ride with him on his motorcycle. I'm sure he was going to drive us to some abandoned warehouse and have his way with me, but that's when I saw your face.

You asked me what I was doing, and if I was crazy. I totally flipped out. Then you appeared again, and said I was being reckless. That's when I knew I had to do it again. I needed that fix of you. I had gone without your small gestures, and mumbling words for far too long, and your image constructed from figments of my imagination pushed me over the edge.

Edward, I don't know how but I know that I will see you again. I'll make sure of it. I mean, why not? You told me before you left that it would be as if you never existed, but you lied to me. Of course you exist! I could never live in a world that doesn't include you! It's not possible. You didn't keep your promise, so I don't feel like I need to keep mine.

I'm going to be as reckless as I can, just in the hopes that I will see you again. If you never come back, at least I'll have that…

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	9. 111 Days

15, February, 2010

111 days

Edward, My Love,

I found something…you might not like it, but I'm going to try it anyways. I found a couple of bikes while driving to school and took them to Jacob Black's house. (Do you remember him?) I practically ditched school so I could ask him to fix up these bikes. I offered to give him one of the bikes after he fixed them up. He agreed willingly. It really surprised me, but he worked on the bikes all day. I couldn't help that much….you know how I am. I'm not good with things like that. He took them apart completely, and started cleaning them up and greasing everything.

I must say he's quite the mechanic. I'm going over every day; however every Wednesday we do homework so I'm not that bad of an influence over him. I just came back from his place actually. I had to leave before Charlie came home so I could make him dinner. I'm making an effort now. He has hardly ever gone to the diner since that Friday. I've been doing better in school. It's like ever since I saw you again my life has been getting back to normal.

I hear the car pull up; Charlie will be walking through the front door any second now, and I have to make sure dinner's almost done. I guess I'll write another letter soon…I don't know when the next one will slip out so until then…

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	10. 121 Days

25, February, 2010

121 Days

Edward, My Love,

He's done with the bikes. It sure didn't take him long to fix them up and get them running again. Tomorrow we are going out to ride them. It will be perfect, because Charlie is out hunting those bars or something, and he won't be keeping an eye on me. It's the perfect opportunity to see you again. I absolutely can't wait. It's going to be brilliant.

I guess that's all I have to say; however I've only been away from Jake for five minutes, and already the depression is sinking in again. Every time I'm with him he's my sun, and he makes that hole in my heart disappear, or at least he numbs the rough edges. But when he's gone it comes back, and you're all I can think of.

I'm ninety-nine-point-nine-percent sure Jake has a bit of a crush on me and I know it hurts him. I don't want him to hurt. He can't fix me and I know he's trying desperately. Yes, it does get better when he's around but even he can't keep the dreams away.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	11. 122 Days

26, February, 2010

122 Days

Edward, My Love,

Today I got to see you again. I accidentally got a cut on my head because of it, but it was totally worth it. You mumbled your protest, and I kept going. It was such a rush! However I noticed I've gotten so used to fearing the outcome of bleeding that I said I was sorry, for the bleeding cut on my head, to Jacob. I might have been a little delusional also, because I told him he was beautiful. I'm not sure why, but he did look awfully good in the midday sunlight.

Jake and I also saw this Quileute gang cliff diving. It was Sam, Paul, Jared, and Embry from the tribe. Do you know them? Anyways, Jake told me all about how Embry suddenly started to miss school, and then started fallowing the others around like a lost puppy. Jake was really mad. I could understand why…when someone you love, even if it's just a friend, leaves. It's painful; you can hardly bare it and yes, you are mad, almost all the time. Though in my case numbness is always the better tactic, so I haven't been awfully mad lately, especially with Jake around.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	12. 125 Days

**AN/ crossxmyxheart232 **Turns out the chapter was longer. I hope this one is more fulfilling. **Enjoy!**

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1, March, 2010

125 Days

Edward, My Love,

Yesterday I want with Mike and Jake to the movies. We saw Face Punch; it was supposed to be a whole big group of us but the stomach flu is getting around so everyone was either getting sick or taking care of the sick. So it was just Mike, Jake, and me at the movie.

It was really awkward through the whole thing. They both sat with their hand out like they wanted me to choose whose hand I wanted to hold. It made me very uncomfortable. Even worse was when Mike got sick so we left the movie early. Mike ended up throwing up in the bathroom, while Jake and I sort of had a heart to heart talk.

Now that was uncomfortable. He went to hold my hand; and normally I would have been fine with it. I just think that it means a little more to him than it does to me. When I pulled my hand away he seemed to get pretty mad. Then I had to explain why I didn't want him to go anywhere, because it would be too painful if he left me too.

When Mike came out of the bathroom Jake kind of exploded on him. I'm not sure why but Jake got into Mike's face and his skin was basically on fire. He felt like he had a raging fever, so I drove him and Mike home. All in all that night was a disaster, but the only thing that really upsets me is that it's twelve o'clock the next day and I haven't heard anything from Jake.

I've called about five times already, only this morning, and still no answer. I've also had Charlie call Billy and everything. I'm really starting to worry. I'm worried about him and also about…me.

What happens when he's gone for a while, even if he's just sick, and then those painful emotions come back? What am I going to do? He means so much to me now, and I don't want him to disappear. I don't want him to go anywhere.

Last night I had a horrible dream about everyone leaving me. You and Jake were both running so fast that I couldn't catch up with you, no matter how fast I ran. I awoke screaming, and Charlie was there.

He told me something; he told me that sometimes you have to learn to love what's good for you. Maybe he's right…

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	13. 136 Days

12, March, 2010

136 Days

Edward, My Love,

It's been almost two weeks and the only news I've heard was from Charlie from Billy saying Jake has mono. I'm not too sure if I believe that. That hole in my heart is back, this time bigger, because now I'm missing my sun. I'm still going to school, I still have those dreams. The wolves are starring in my dreams again, you are there also. I still wake up screaming.

I'm still missing you, and still waiting for you to come back. You once said you wanted me to have a normal human life and I wonder if you knew that, that life would push me into the arms of Jake. Did you ever wonder if I wasn't with you, who I would be with? Are those thoughts painful to you?

Sometimes I wish they were. Sometimes I wish you would have to suffer though this pain you have inflicted. I know it's wrong of me to say the love of my life should feel this kind of pain, but I guess my love isn't selfless. I pray for you to come back every day, even if it's not what you want. That is not selfless.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	14. 137 Days

13, March, 2010

137 Days

Edward, My love,

Today I had to say screw the world. I just couldn't take it anymore! So I went to see Jake today. He was just walking towards the forest in the pouring rain looking dangerously pissed off. He had no shirt on, even though it was completely freezing outside, and cut off shorts. When I shouted for him his lips were quivering in what I could only imagine as ferocious anger.

At first he told me to leave and to never come back, and then turned away. When I grabbed him to turn him back around his skin was burning like the night at the movies.

He told me that he wasn't good anymore, and that I shouldn't be near him, that he could hurt me. You know how well I take to those kinds of things though, and only wanted to show him that I'm not as fragile as everyone thinks.

I was about to convince that I could handle anything he had to say, but that's when his new friends came around and shouted for him to go with them. He instantly obliged to the command and I had no choice but to go home again.

And now I'm writing this… Edward, I don't know what I'm going to do! Please help me!

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	15. 139 Days

AN/ That's three today, I hope that makes up for lack of updates. =)

15, March, 2010

139 Days

Edward, My Love,

Today I saw something completely amazing! Big, gigantic, monstrous wolves! I was in our meadow, which in the time of your absence has completely dried up. There are no flowers, no grass, anything really. That's not the point of this story though.

I was there hoping that I would be able to see you again, and I did, but it wasn't because I was in the meadow. It was because Laurent found me and threatened me. Luckily I got away but it was only because huge wolves came out of the brush and scared him away, which I think is weird because why would he be scared of something that he could kill so easily?

The wolves were so amazing! I can't believe it. They were almost taller than me when I was standing up straight. It was crazy! I can't believe it. I've got to tell Ja…umm well at least I can tell you…kind of.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	16. 140 Days

AN/ Happy fourth of july!

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16, March, 2010

140 Days

Edward, My Love,

It's about two in the morning, and I'm awake. Usually, well now it's usual, I wake up at this time screaming, but tonight that's not the case. I woke up to something tapping on my window. For a second I thought it might have been you, but then reality hit in and I knew it couldn't have been you. I thought maybe it was just a tree branch hitting the side of the house, but then it happened again, so I went over and opened it. Jake was there.

Well, I would make this detailed for you but seeing as how it's two in the morning and I'm a human, and humans need sleep and all, I'll make this short.

Jake came through my window and started talking to me, trying to make me remember something that happened last year, when he told me about the cold ones. He wanted me to remember something about that day at first beach.

He left soon after that, but he had hope that I would remember. So I don't know… I guess I'd be too tired to think about it tonight so I guess I'll sleep on things…

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	17. 141 Days

Letter 17

17, March, 2010

141 Days

Edward, My Love,

A lot has happened today. I woke up at about seven in the morning, early on a weekend, because of another dream I had. I didn't really scream at this one though. However, it was the same dream I've had for a while the one with you, and the wolves watching from the trees. But now I had understanding; Quileute's are descendants from wolves. Jake is a werewolf! After I made the realization I went straight to Jake's house.

Billy wouldn't let me in at first but I had to see him so I just barged in, and went to Jake's room. I busted open the door and I saw Jake's sleeping face, and I just couldn't wake him. When I looked above him, and out the window I saw Sam, Paul, Jared, and Embry and instantly got mad. I seep walked all the way out the door, and over to them.

I angrily pushed Sam and wrongly accused them, I now know. Then I didn't know, and Paul got really mad, and Sam kept shouting orders at him to calm down. I heard Jacob call my name in the distance and I started backing away from Paul as he started to shake, and Sam ordered me to back up farther. This time I felt like I should listen to him.

Suddenly I wasn't standing in front of four men I was standing in front of a huge grey wolf, baring its teeth at me and growling. Just as suddenly there were two wolves duking it out right in front of me. This one was a red, bronze color, and I knew it had to be Jake. I watched them fight and wrestle their way into the forest. These, were the same wolves I had seen when they attacked Laurent.

Sam shouted for Jared and Embry to take me to Emily's, whom I had no clue about, and didn't even know at the time.

I still remember what Jared said as he walked over to me, "Guess the wolf's out of the bag."

We went to Emily's and she had these horrible scars on her face, which Embry said not to stare at so I was paying close attention to the floor. Emily was the wolf girl, and I was the vampire girl. I even joked a little bit. It was a first for me since you left, not that I joked much to begin with but still. I said that I couldn't run with vampires because they are really fast, but I don't think it was that funny.

After that Jake and Paul, along with Sam came into the house. Sam instantly went to Emily's side and started to kiss all along the scars on her face. I had a feeling they were left there because of him. I just had to look away at their intimate moment. That's when Jake motioned for us to take a walk along the beach.

We had a pretty bad argument, because once again I misunderstood the situation. I thought that the pack was killing all those hunters in the forest, but it was my mistake. They were the ones killing the vampires that killed the hunters. He mentioned a particular red headed vampire: Victoria. They didn't know why she kept coming around, but I did, thanks to Laurent. She wants me, Edward. I can't believe that Victoria is after me again, and my father and a lot of other people are going into the forest with her in it because they are hunting the wolves, the wolf that is my best friend. I can't believe this is happening to the people I love, and need most.

I don't know what I'm going to do if one of them gets hurt. What if my dad gets hurt? I can't imagine anything hurting them. It's just too painful. I won't do it.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	18. 142 Days

Letter 18

18, March, 2010

142 Days

Edward, my love,

Jake promised me to go cliff diving, and he didn't disappoint. It was amazing! Such a rush! However I only saw you when I first jumped off the high cliff. You again said the same thing; 'Don't do this, you're being reckless.'

Half way down I felt Jake's arms around my waist keeping me close to him as we plummeted into the ice cold water, but his now naturally warm temperature (something that comes with being a wolf) kept me fairly warm. When we broke the surface Jake had this big goofy grin on his face, and along with him I couldn't stop smiling. When we got out of the water and started along the beach Jake tugged on my hand and made me face him.

He pulled my cold body close to his and kissed me, in the warmest, sweetest kiss I've ever had. It made me think of you at first but then he deepened the kiss and brought his lips on mine rougher than before and instantly it wasn't your cold lips anymore.

It was Jake, all of Jake, surrounding me, molding with me, suffocating me, but this time I wasn't complaining.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	19. 368 Days

AN/ Sorry it's been so long, but I'm proud to announce that I have finished every letter to this story! =) Now I've made a poll asking if you all want a sequel to this story. I'm not quite sure how I will be writing the next story, but I shall think about it if you guys want it. So go to my profile and submit your answer!

Enjoy!

Letter 19

19, September, 2010

Too many days to count, but I'll do it anyways

368 Days

Edward, My Love,

I just found this file locked away deep inside the folds of my computer screen. I had hidden it after Jake found it on my computer, and said that it was bad for me, and that he could keep all these feelings away from me. He wanted me to tell him all my secrets and feelings that I used to spell out for you. I've told Jake all my dirty little secrets since that day.

I haven't opened this folder since that day either. However today is my birthday, and I'm nineteen years old now. I decided to go through some old things and throw out some of the things I no longer need. That's when I came across this treasure here. I must admit I do miss writing these letters to you, Edward, but Jake takes my mind off of things like that.

Nineteen, the big one nine; I don't know why age still affects me, maybe it's because the men I love can't age. First there was you who stays seventeen forever. Now there's Jake who I've recently discovered I love just as much as I love you, who stays sixteen and a half because of his wolf genes. Now I'm two years older than my best friend, and boyfriend.

Yes I know it may shock you that Jake is my boyfriend now. I used to be so against the idea of Jake liking me, and now I love him. It's weird how things unfold.

It's weird how you pushed me to do all these things that you thought I should do because I'm human. Like going to prom, I only did when you were here; like going to college, and I'm not. However I have fallen in love with a human, well as human as a werewolf can be I guess. He's my everything now, my forever, my eternity.

In a couple months after I get my last check from Newton's place I'm taking everything out of my college fund so I can buy a house with Jake. We are going to be living with each other in just a couple short months. I honestly and a little nervous; what if my feelings change, but I guess that's how it is stepping into the unknown, stepping into true love…

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	20. 370 Days

Letter 20

22, September, 2010

370 Days

Edward,

It's been a couple days since I last wrote. You can somewhat blame me for that, but mostly blame Jake. He saw the file on my computer again and we kind of got into a fight about it all.

In the end this fight was a good thing, a very good thing. Last night the fight had been going on strong for almost two days when suddenly we both just kind of broke down. He kissed me again, for more than the millionth time, but this kiss was different, more urgent.

It plays in my mind over and over again in my mind. It's tattooed into my mind, the perfect thing to be replaying in my imagination.

It's in a wonderful blur, but in perfect clarity.

Pulsing Bodies

Smoldering Kisses

Sweating Bodies

Unbelievable Feelings

It was amazing, my first time; the only human activity that I actually enjoyed. It was better than the prom, or my first kiss, or the taste of the juiciest watermelon during the heat of the summer. It was all inspired by you, Edward love.

But the love was there all the same. Jake is my everything now. He was my second love, but my first lover.

You don't want me,

Isabella Swan


	21. 371 Days

Only three more chapters after this!

Letter 21

23, September, 2010

371 Days

Edward,

Jake….Edward….Jacob…Edward…

Both immortal…

Both unnatural…

Both Loved…

Warmth….Coldness…Jacob…Edward…

You two are the same in many ways; you both love…loved me, both fought for me, you're the same in ways, but one…

Jake's not afraid. He knows he can hurt me, but yet he doesn't hold back. You held back; I could have given you this kind of love, but you didn't let me.

Our love was spiritual, mental, emotional, but with Jake I get all of that and physical love. You have to have physical love to know just how much that someone means to you. We didn't have that, but I'm not saying I love you any less than I did before, Edward, you will always be my first love. I will never forget you, nor will I try purposely to remember you. If you stop by in my thoughts then you will be the small smile that graces my lips or the twinkle in my eye as I remember how you used to hold me. You will also start the train of thought that leads me to thinking of my true love, Jacob. You did lead me to the love of my life. I thank you for that.

You'll always be my first love,

Isabella Swan


	22. 372 Days

AN/ Two more chapters to go...and no one has gone to my poll, since the last time I checked, so I guess no one wants a sequel...

Kk, sorry I posted this and then deleted it, but there's one thing I forgot to tell you...

If You would wish to have me update the rest that I have of this story today...because I'm super excited for you guys to read the end...If ya want that then comment, and review and all that other jazz...A LOT! I WANT TO FEEL THE LOVE! So if you want to know about the huge surprise ending then I want...well pretty much double the reviews I already have for this story...or ya know close to it! =)

Sorry for the incredibly long author's note...lol it's about as long as the actual story! haha!

ENJOY!

Letter 22

24, September, 2010

372 Days

Edward,

Jake and I made love again, and again, and again. His father was out fishing with my father, and Jake was off patrol for the day and the night. It was the perfect opportunity, and I fell even more for him.

I wonder if this would hurt you, or if you've already moved on from me like I have you; again thank you. You've given me a life, a beautiful, magical, wonderful life with my Jake. I can't thank you enough.

Even though I love him so much, you still have a piece of my heart, and you always will. Jake gets jealous of that little part. It makes me laugh because he doesn't even know he's got so much more of my heart than that little piece he's jealous of.

That's also why this file is hidden away again, yet I will remember it, and keep you updated on all the things that I'm willing to tell you. Jake doesn't know I still do this, and I will probably never tell him, not yet at least. He will feel insecure about it until he has made me his forever, so I must not tell him now. It would not be the smartest idea.

So here I am, writing my secret affair with you on paper.

You'll always be my first love,

Isabella Swan


	23. 733 Days

**AN/ Shit sorry guys, I thought I published this a couple days ago...so sorry for the dely and I hope ya like it.**

Letter 23

19, September, 2011

733 Days

Edward,

I guess I'm not too good with keeping my promises. I was reckless when I promised you I wouldn't be, and I said I wouldn't forget about these letters to you, but I did. Now, it has been two years; I am now twenty years old. Jake is of legal age now too, and we are getting married. I don't know why he's in such a rush, maybe because he's still kind of competing with you. He wants to make sure if you come back that you can't just take me away from him; not that I would be going anywhere with you, because I love Jake.

I'm dreading the wedding, or the proposal of an engagement, but it's what he wants and who am I to deny what makes him happy? So we are getting married in about two months. I know, again it's so short notice, but that's what he wants. He also doesn't want to push me into anything I don't want to do, but I reassured him that I would have eventually married him anyways. This is just a little sooner than expected. It's also very sudden and surprising. I mean me really? No one would have thought I would get married this early in life.

Ya know I sometimes wish that you would be there when I get married and say 'I do' and all that other stuff. It might be hard, but I do want to see you before that day. I know Charlie would kill me, but I also wish that you could be the one to give me away. Charlie and Jake would never allow that, though I think it seems right for you to give me away. You were the one to push me into Jake's arms, so you should be the one to give me away, to Jake, permanently.

You'll always be my first love,

Isabella Swan

That was the last letter she wrote…


	24. I'll Be Back

**AN/ This is the very last chapter of Edward, My Love. I hope you guys have liked my story, and I'm still deciding whether I'll make a sequal or not. I've got some ideas, but nothing set in stone. I will add a little authors note as a different chapter (even tho that's illegal on this site lol) telling you if there will be a sequal or not.**

**ENJOY!**

I'll Be Back

She was wearing a white dress and gripped blood red roses in her hands as she walked down to the alter. Jacob Black was standing in a black tux at the end, eyes only for her. I couldn't see her face, but I could smell her deathly blood rush to her face. Jacob was smiling ear to ear as Sam, the pack leader, slammed a meaty hand on Jacob's shoulder congratulatory.

As the classical music came to an end Bella stood in front of Jacob as her father, Charlie, shook his hand and then retreated to the front row seat by Sue Clearwater and Renee, Bella's mother. They all had smiled on their faces as they looked at their beautiful daughter.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder; Carlisle stood behind me, looking past to see how beautiful Bella turned out. "Are you okay son?"

"I'll be fine Carlisle; she deserves happiness." I said looking down to the ceremony through the stained glass window.

"You deserve happiness too Edward."

I looked at him, his gold eyes were a bit darker than they usually were, and then looked back down the Bella and Jacob's closest family and friends. I looked at the four pack members who stood behind Jacob. They all had their eyes on the couple pronouncing their marriage; all but one.

Seth, Seth was the one, the only one, to notice two vampires in the window above. I guess all the other werewolves were busy with Jake's found happiness. If I was down there I wouldn't be worried about anything else besides keeping my eyes on Bella.

"I do," I heard her soft voice whisper, knowing there were tears in her eyes.

"I do," Jacob's deep voice held pride and love in the two syllables. Then they shared an Earth, and hearth shattering kiss. If my heart was still beating it would have stopped again. If I could cry there would be pools of salt water at my feet. If I didn't care about Bella's happiness Jacob Black would be a dead man walking.

I gripped the stack of paper that was in my hands, almost crushing it to a pulp, not wanting to face the truth that I was stupid and walked away from the only thing that would have kept me sane. But I can't take away her happiness; it would kill me. I've already hurt her enough.

As the crowed of people slowly departed from their seats, all probably on their way to the reception, Seth glanced up to the window one more time before making his move.

"I'll meet you guys there. I'll just run wolf." I heard him say before he was up in this small attic room faster than humanly possible. I turned with my head bowed to face Seth.

"Why are you here?" He questioned.

"I just needed to make sure she was happy."

"Well she is; you're lucky I was the one to catch you here. If someone else saw you; you would be smoke by now."

"Maybe that's not a bad thing."

"Edward," Carlisle warned.

I looked at him, and then back to Seth, "How is she?"

"She's fine; Jake takes good care of her."

"And what if he imprints on someone else?"

"He loves her; he would be devastated if he hurt her."

"I'll be back when he does."


	25. AN

**AN/ **Hey guys! So I know you've been awaiting a sequel to my Edward, My Love, and I'm here to say it is coming. Slowly but surely. I haven't even finished the first chapter! In fact I've hardly been thinking about it at all! I've been thinking about it lately, however, and once I get to sitting down and actually writing it I enjoy writing the sequel.

I'm here to tell you that, yes; I will be doing a sequel! I know you must all be happy! However I must tell you a few disappointing details.

I'm not going to be getting this out for a while; the earliest time the first chapter will be out is mid/late fall time.

This is not my first priority; in fact there are two stories ahead of this, and a few one-shots I have to get out.

It will not be like Edward, My Love, as in it's not going to be a collection of letters. It's going to be like a normal story.

I've changed schools this year…again, and getting settled in might take a while so my updates will be far between. (That's going for all my stories.)

The sequel will be called "Someday When I Stop Loving You." If you're a fan of Carrie Underwood then you should be familiar with the title. If you're not, then please go to YouTube and look up the song. It's so good, and it's my main inspiration for the sequel!

I hope you guys don't totally hate me right now for not updating you with my whereabouts but I'm here now. Unfortunately I am telling you you're going to have to wait a bit longer.

Guys I swear to you that I'm trying my best with this so that I don't disappoint you. I haven't really thought about much of the plot, but the beginning is going good so far, and I'll just go with it until I find out where I want it to be.

If you ever get impatient and want to message me cussing me out and all that then please do so, because that might encourage me to write some shit down.

Also if you would help me out it would be so cool!

**Review what you want to see! Rated M or still T? In her or his POV?**

**Please, please review and tell me what you would want the most!**


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